17 Nov The Philanthropic Exchange Relationship
18 November 2025
By David Allen, Development for Conservation
Several years ago, around Thanksgiving, I wrote about the differences between gratitude and gratefulness (See Gratitude and Gratefulness), and I have personally revisited that post almost every year since.
In researching the post back then, I learned that the word grateful is not necessarily focused on a source. We are grateful for stuff – health, material gifts, sunshine, rest – that is freely enjoyed as opposed to being earned or even deserved. The feeling is fleeting for the most part.
Gratitude comes from the same Latin root but comes to English through a Middle French word meaning “good will.” Gratitude IS focused on a source – a person or group of people who have served us in some way that is pleasing. The feeling of gratitude lasts because it engenders a mutual response. The instinct is to repay the kindness and keep it going.
In this way, gratitude is connected to obligations of returned charity and grace.
It’s not an exchange relationship exactly, like a transaction would be. But there is still an exchange. They give. And by giving they inspire gratitude which is repaid by noticing them.
I encouraged readers to remember that there is a real person behind every check and internet transaction.
There is a real person behind every gift – most of whom are giving from their hearts, motivated by an interest in supporting the work and commitment we have to our organizational mission. Their gifts are freely bestowed and not necessarily earned or even deserved. And they create an obligation for us to work even harder in return.
Then in 2024 and early this year, I worked with a land trust in Washington State that had replaced the idea of a “culture of philanthropy” with a “culture of appreciation.” And the entire organization – board, staff, volunteers – had embraced it with full hearts. Staff showing appreciation for Board directors, directors calling donors to thank them personally, and everyone appreciating volunteers.
I loved that, and I loved watching the obligation to work even harder in return, get put into motion.
Here’s the crux in all of this: People give stuff and do stuff around every one of us all the time that is neither earned nor necessarily deserved on our part. They do it because, in some way, it makes them happy.
“I don’t know what to do!” cried Scrooge, laughing and crying in the same breath. “I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy. I am as giddy as a drunken man.”
from Dickens’ A Christmas Carol
For donors, this feeling is somewhat fleeting when they post the check in the mail, or click on the confirmation page. For volunteers, the feeling lasts a little longer.
But in both cases, the happy feeling is enhanced when their gifts are noticed.
Not noticed by some thing – like an organization. But by some one – like you.
This year, take some care with your expressions of gratitude. Remember that the gifts are coming from real people, and that the giving made them happy in some small way.
Thank your donors and staff and volunteers and Board members and everyone who have served you in some way that is pleasing.
Notice them.
- Use the Phone
- Write letters and cards by hand
- Mention something specific
- Share how their gifts make you feel
- When leaving messages, leave your cell phone number and invite them to call you back – to see a project or to ask a question or just to continue the conversation
Make your expressions of gratitude personal – as much as possible – even when you do not necessarily even know them personally.
Notice them.
Make Thanksgiving a season instead of just a day.
Cheers, and have a good week!
-da
PS: I’d love to hear how you are noticing your donors this year. How does gratitude come up for you?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.
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